What does a fat bitch, john travolta and a blond bimbo all have in common?

And unless you like musicals, please refrain from reading this post as you are going to feel insulted, disgusted and appalled by the degrading remarks that I'm about to make here.

Thattttttttttttt's right folks. It's the most recent musical show set in the sixties, HAIRSPRAY!!! An era in the United States way back when hairspray and hair gel was pivotal for fashion looks, when people wore their pants at ankle length, when blacks had 9 inch dicks...when wait, they still do have huge dicks. Nvm. But you get the picture. It was just a casual outing with a couple of friends that they wanted to watch the show. Reviews and recommendations weren't that bad too, and being oblivious about what is was, I thought "what the heck". Midnight shows were also an excuse to have a good supper as I needed the extra carbs for my workout.

Anyway, the show started off with the stage set in the small town of Baltimore in the year 1962. The plot revolved around an ugly, petite, fat bitch named Tracy Turnblad, whose mundane and boring life suddenly took a bizarre twist when she was picked to be one of the latest dancers in a local television series. Picked solely based upon her skills and talent, this has aroused and upset the manager of the studio company, which plots to ruin her career and ensures the dominance of her own daughter on stage. Also elsewhere, the manager decides to up racism to another level when she cancelled the dance show session for the African Americans. This got the blacks pissed, and somehow, the protagonist of the show always seems to be "fair", "just" and oh....so equal. Also along the show we have Tracy's mother, father, best friend and crush all thrown in to spice things up.

Ok....now this show really wouldn't be that bad if I didn't hate musicals. Now I say it once I say it again....I HATEEEEEEEEE musicals. There was a time I remembered when all Disney animated cartoons were musicals with singing, dancing, and an entire mother fucking choir troop suddenly appearing out of nowhere and sings the living shit out of the chorus. WOWWWWWWWW....except at that time I was 7 and there were not many words I could think of that would depict my dislike to those moments. Not that I didn't know the word "fuck" at that time, I knew saying that word would mean the utter end to my legs and that my mom would need to get a new cane, so I just bit the bullet, enjoyed the overall cartoons and tried to shut off my ears during the singing parts.

Problem is....EVERY GOD DAMN 5 FUCKING MINUTES IS A SONG!!!!! Do you know how hard is it to try and ignore those scenes for such a long period of time for so many times?!?! It's tiring. I'm supposed to enjoy the show and make my 10 bucks feel like it's worth it but nooooooooooooooooooooo.....the show just had to go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on with a shitload of lip-sync, dancing, and rhymes that will only cheer an autistic nine year old. OHHHH the agony. And it's worse when it's in a dark, comfy and loud cinema when the musical singing are deafening. Just when you thought that the era was over and done, it rises up again like a phoenix screeching it's high-school-like tones to non-bothered ears like mine.

And then there was the cast. My god of ALLLLLLLLLLLL the other talented people out there it had to be a fat bitch. Not just fat...OBESE!!!! And with all these musicals you are expected to dance and run around lively as part of the show. I don't call that running, Nikki. I call that stumbling. Especially during the beginning of the show when she was running to school, her running stance resembled that of a turkey running away from the slaughter house. Her arms were not moving up and down like they are supposed to, it's LEFT and RIGHT. Sorta those times when the turkey tries to flap it's wings to fly but knows it's too heavy for any sort of lift. Of course John Travolta was wearing a suit, so there's nothing I will say about him. Besides, John is like the "god of movies", starring in almost every single kind of movie genre so this just extends his talents to another level. Kudos to him.

And one of my favourite parts of the show came from Amanda Bynes. Starring as Tracy's best friend, Penny Pingleton, she was your typical blond bimbo. Ponytailed hair, lollipop in mouth, also kinda the girl next door with an overzealous mother. Except for the fact that she is SUPER HOT. I wonder what Elijah Kelley(Seaweed Stubbs) was thinking when he first met his eyes with Amanda in the show. If you ask me, I just wanna yank that lollipop out of her mouth, use it as a sticky dildo, and ram that 9 inch cock of mine down her throat using her ponytails as leverage. Prolly that was the thing that kept me occupied during the song part of the show, which incidentally happened to be more than half the time. Weeeeeeeeee!!!!!

All in all, musicals are just not really my type of thing. A show is meant to be a show. You want any music in it, rip some real artist songs and post in as background music like all other shows do. Then go and get the OST for the show and listen to it to your heart's content. With all that lipsync and that mouth gaping, it seriously prevents you from looking like you are taking in 2-3 dicks at one go in a brutal facefuck. And the fact that you are always looking up doesn't help to offset that look either.

Acting: B
Plot: C+
Musicals: F
Casting: A- (blame it on the fat bitch)
Amanda Bynes: A