Driving Problems

I was sitting outside of a cyber cafe just the other day staring into thin space while waiting for my friend to arrive when i noticed a lady driver pulling over to attempt a parallel parking. Now when i mentioned "attempt" is not a grammatical mistake but it's just that. The woman was driving like as if she had never touched the steering wheel in her life while looking like a seasoned driver. Reverse....a poor angled turn and a missed chance, repeated again and again like as if she's some insane, asylum patient. Even the cars behind her became impatient and started honking the living shit out of her. Finally fed up but still wanting the lot, she did the unthinkable. She reversed a good deal, all the way to the back and drove into the lot with her backside sticking out and without straightening the car. She then coolly came out of the car, stared and the car behind her, mumbled some profanities and walked off.

Whoa man....all of these "interesting" moments absorbed into my mind. For a minute there....i felt like i was being bukkaked with bullshit all over. It was so clear that the woman was at fault and yet she cursed at the driver for honking at her. In her shallow, old fashioned head, she must be thinking that it's her right to actually take her time with the parking and she will have what she wants, even if it's at the expense of other people's convenience. Which is why i also come to notice that Malaysians are a REAL BITCHASS when it comes to driving. There is totally no consideration for one another and everyone treats the car like as if it's a bloody toy. Driving like a madman, zigzag-ing like some racer, hogging traffic, making U-turns when you are not supposed to...man i'm only just warming up. To sum it short, here's the few things that really pisses me off about Malaysian drivers.

First and foremost on the list is HOGGING TRAFFIC. Ever wondered why all of a sudden in the easy traffic of the afternoon, there is a MASSIVE traffic jam on the freeway? You thought it was an accident, and you bear with it, hoping that no one was seriously hurt in the pileup (cause only BIG accidents can cause such a holdup in traffic). Travelling further down the road....you dont see any accidents. Strange? What could it be then? You are running late and your blood starts to boil. Only later you find out that it's some fucked up 80 year old granny driving her beaten down Beatle at 40Kmph. ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Secondly and honestly i would put this as joint leaders are the drivers that CUT QUEUES. These irresponsible, impatient, INCONSIDERATE, self centered mother fuckers would make believe of their Peter Pan world that their cars are bigfoot monster trucks or some 4WD offroad vehicle and will squeeze through even the narrowest of roads or offroads just to get ahead in line. Are you one of these drivers? Well let me tell you something that i think speaks for everyone waiting patiently in line....WAIT FOR YOUR TURN, FUCKTARD!!!! EVERYONE IS LATE AS WELL!!!!! EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE AT WORK JUST AS NEEDY AS YOU!!!!!! So dont think that you are the only mother fucking princess on the road and that everyone is gonna give way to you. And to rub salt into the wound you will hear in the radio once in a while about the government telling the public to "give way". Like what Mr Heng would say....GIVE LEI LOU MOU LA!!!!.

Also not forgetting those drivers that DOUBLE PARK. Most noticable in commercial and busy places. These inconsiderate lowlifes will park their vehicles in front of other cars like as if it's just another normal parking lot just nicely reserved for them. Now seriously i wouldn't actually bother about this if it's really busy cause understandably, you need the parking. You make a promise that you will make your business a quick one and you'll keep an eye out for anyone who wants to come out so that you will not trouble them too much (ik you are alone). If there's someone with you, there shouldn't be a problem because your partner could at least shift the car for you or notify you that someone wants to come out and you are obstructing his/her way. The problem here is some people....after parking, do not give a fuck about those who might want to come out. They wont even pay attention to their fucking cars or to the fact that it's been heavily scratched by angry drivers. And after honking and making an embarrassing scene for a jolly long time, only then will that idiotic moron slither out it's fat lazy ass, with it's most annoying CIBAI FACE, give you a most unsincere wave to tell you it's sorry eventhough it's not and move it's car. And it's most sad that i have to use IT because only ANIMALS will do this to HUMAN BEINGS.

The rest.....wouldn't be too much of trouble to the public....only that it's dangerous to the driver itself. But then again....if they're already so self centered to do these things....i guess they must have thought about the risks too. U-turning at the wrong places....i hope that one day while U turning your engine suddenly dies and there's a 10 tonne lorry surging towards you. Those who love to speed, dont do it too fast. Those that love to tailgate, i hope you kiss my ass so that i can kiss your wallet. And dont bother about my car. I couldn't give a shit about it as it badly needs a touchup anyway. And guess what, you just paid it for me. Those that park in a poor fashion, make sure your neighbouring cars have enough space to exit. Those that use handphones while driving, whether it's smsing or talking on the phone, MOVE YOUR DAMNED ASS TO THE SLOW LANE. It's a small thing to endanger yourself by not paying full attention on the road, but it's a BIG thing to hog traffic.

So there we have it. If i missed anything, please....i'm sure there's something that everyone can say about this. And dont act like as if you're so bloody holy as to have never did any of the bad habits that i've just mentioned. Just hopefully....this message will knock some cowsense into those with the thinking of a retard to drive better. Because as the radio advertisment says, EVEN A CHILD CAN KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RIGHT AND WRONG, WHY NOT YOU?

MaMa Mia, it's Carbonara!!!!

LADIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS......and returds. Welcome welcome to Bryan's very own cooking blog, where he will share with you his recipes to his most famous cookings yet. Not too long ago did he say that he will never share his cooking recipes with others but due to the extensive boredom that this sad chef is facing right now and the fact that he is running out of ideas on what to write on, here's a once in a lifetime chance to get hold of something easy and delicious to make!!!

So, as you all know that the dude here has this extreme liking for italian cooking; due to it's extensive use for herbs and it's relatively healthy eating lifestyle (provided you minus the cheese and fat from their pizzas and lasagna). It also has a HUGE variety and styles of recipes that makes it as common is dhal in the Malaysian community. And without further ado, here a little something that everyone loves to eat. Recipe for today; Carbonara. Now frankly i'm not a fan of this style of pasta due to the addition of heavy cream that takes the meaning of "healthy" away from the food. But, as always i cater to the demands of the crowd and also because of the fact that i never eat my own cooking i guess this one is kind of an obligatory recipe. Right so anyway...let's get on with it.

For the ingredients, well well here the list for it:

Bacon (pork of beef)
Garlic
Onion
Button/oyster mushrooms (optional)
Boneless chicken breast (optional)
Heavy cream
Eggs
Parmeson cheese
Parsley
Cooked spaghetti/pasta of your choice
Salt, pepper and whatever seasoning that you might see fit to enchance the taste of the food

Right....also the environment, you need some italian opera music....you know, the one where there is a tenor that sings along some opera tunes to get that italian mood flowing. Also optional you could have an irritating cat that jumps onto the kitchen parlour and eats your bacon and licks your cream while leaving a mess behind. That's right folks....you were eating CAT SALIVA all this while. WHOHOO!!!!

Anyway to get things started, first you cook the pasta of your choice with some salt and about a tablespoon of olive oil. Strain and leave aside.

Chop about a clove of garlic and a whole large onion into small pieces. Then cut the bacon into small pieces too. Then cut off your penis as well. Eh wait....wrong shit. Hope you didn't do that. Lol anyway basically chop every damn thing in the ingredient list into small pieces except for the chicken and the eggs. For the cream....if you can chop the cream into small pieces....tell me. I'll call Ripley's Believe It Or Not and you and i can earn some good money together.

Ok moving on, to make the cream stock. Here's the good part. Beat about 4 eggs in a large bowl and then add the cream slowly while stirring. Mix it well until it becomes a smooth paste. How much cream? Use your cowsense. I'd say about 500ml of it would be enough. And it's really up to you honestly. If you want more cream in your pasta...add more. You want less....add less. Of course the eggs also go proportionally with the cream; the more cream, the more eggs and vice versa.

Right....now you are ready to cook. Heat up a big saucepan and melt some butter in. You can use cooking oil as well but butter makes the already rich taste of the carbonara....richer. Add in the onion first, fry until there's a good smell and then add the garlic. Fry for about 2 minutes or until there's a good smell and then add the chopped bacon. Fry until cooked and a little brown (god your kitchen never smelled this good). Then add the mushrooms inside and fry until the mushrooms are soft and they start exuding water. Then...carefully add in the cream sauce. IMMEDIATELY turn the damned fire to low and stir. If you dont, the cream will coagulate and you'll get a lumpy paste. Stir for about 30 seconds and then toss in the pasta. Mix it together and turn off the fire. Add salt to taste, pepper and some herbs for seasoning (i put some basil and garlic pepper inside) and parsley for garnishing.

Right....VIOLAAA!!! But there's still something missing. What about the chicken. Well...wash and dry. Heat up a separate pan with some oil. Put in the chicken and let it cook on one side. While the other side is cooking, add some salt, black pepper and some italian herbs on the uncooked side. Then flip over. Be sure to do it carefully so that the herbs do not fall off the meat. The idea is to let the meat cook with the herbs and allow the flavour to enter the meat itself. Once done, strain the oil and add with the pasta.

There you have it!!! A simple yet tasty dish that serves 4 which you pay RM20++ for in the restaurants. Cook this for someone special...and it's a good way to their hearts. Step one get dirty in the kitchen, step 2 get dirty at the dining table, and step 3, get dirty in the bedroom. Muaaaa HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Degenerate Generation

As we all would have heard by now, either through the newspapers or in television, some crazy deranged student from the University of Virginia Tech went on a killing spree, killing 32 people and wounding 29 before shooting himself, making it the deadliest mass urban shootings in US modern history. The shooter, South Korean Cho Seung-hui was known to be a loner and a mentally disturbed person in the past. Depressed and with full of hatred towards life, he decided to leave this world in the most notorious manner with the hope that he will always be remembered by everyone, whether it is in a good way or not.

Which brings me to this thought; the generation of today's world is becoming more and more of a degenerate by the day. Everyday we look in the papers and see our youths wasting their lives away with drugs, nightlife, alcohol and other abuses that takes away their spirit and sprite in them. The number of dropouts increases every year, and the number of crimes committed by youths have risen too. I too, sadly fall in this state although not in a that of an extreme manner. Lazing around with life, taking things for granted and always appearing to be exuding with hatred over the pettiest things, i too may not be too far off from the reality of Cho Seung-hui.

After reading the articles of the mass shootings, i begin to realise something very important in my life. I realise that i'm actually extremely lucky to be studying in a place like University Retard (Malaya). Yes, their facilities and some of their coaching staff can sometimes leave us very much to be desired, however, i am almost certain that things like this will never happen here. And no, it's not for the reason that it is almost impossible to obtain a firearm here, it is because of the harmony of the residents in the campus. If you are lonely, there is and there will always be somebody in there that will fit your personality traits and that you can be easy going with. All it takes is a little soul searching. The friendliness and affability of the majority of people will help ease tensions and make you feel at home when you are not. Which also reminds me that it's in some way true when people say that Malaysian are very warm people, although there will always be retards who will be the bad apples in the fruit basket. And it's these bad apples that will make the community lose face towards the outside world.

So people, to the degenerated generation out there, to the rich spoilt kids that have never before lifted a finger to do a single chore or housework, to those juveniles and addicts in rehab centers, and to those who feel like life has no purpose, i urge you all to change. Change for the better. Change for the future. Change for yourself. And change for your loved and special ones when you see the look in their eyes and facial expressions that they are happy for you and felt that whatever sacrifice that they have made to go through the turmoil with you was all worth it. And lastly, change for when you have achieved something for the better, and the sense of acomplishment and self fulfilment you get when you have reached the top, that feeling gives you the self value of something.....priceless.

Maxis Communications is a cunt....and so are everything else

In the year 1993 a telecommunications company by the name of Maxis Communications, founded by a group of retards took the Malaysian market by storm. As there were not many telco companies that was offered at that time (not like there are many now), Maxis was embraced entirely by the public and has since emerged as the largest mobile phone operator in Malaysia. The company is now publicly listed in the KLSE, with majority shares owned by none other than Mr KL himself, Ananda Krishnan.

But, although the overwhelming support from the public as well as the insanely high revenues that Maxis makes annually, it is still sad to say that after more than 10 years of being at the top, Maxis is still shitass down under in terms of it's products and services. I have yet to meet a person out there who has openly praised Maxis for it's dedication towards giving better services to the public or it's telecommunications coverage in Malaysia or ANY other perspective that Maxis has to offer to the public. Why? Ohhh....and i'm sure everyone who uses it's services would be very accustomed to this reason. It's because even after all these years of support from the public and having it easy all this while....Maxis doesn't give a shit about it's consumers.

It happens to me all too frequent that while halfway through a call i will be cut off abruptly for no apparent reason. It definately cannot be a phone problem, unless every single phone model i ever used is as retarded as the previous. In this case, Nokia here is a cunt too but i'll avoid going into that since hardware problems are rarely the case in these situations. And together with their absorbitant phone rates we are forced to use their services in the name of monopoly. Some might think that they will be making the right choice by jumping ship to another telco company but the truth is, they are all the same. And what about coverage? Ever been to an underground basement carpark only to see that your phone powered by Maxis is out of coverage but your friend's phone with another telco operator showing full service? The agony of some situations. What if there was an emergency? What if someone was getting gangbanged in a dark corner of a basement only to see the words "Out of Service" on the phone? Here's the thing, please use the 7 billion dollar revenue you obtained last year and upgrade your services. It will make the paying customers feel that much better on where their money is going too.

Despite their flagging services and their poor customer care support, it's ironic on how my whole family, including I are totally dependant on Maxis as our telecommunications provider. Even our fixed line and broadband connections are from the same company. Even then their services are no better in these fields. An internet connection, more expensive than what is offered by Telekom Malaysia for the same services is a huge letdown. I cannot even stay connected for more than 15 minutes without being disconnected by some god knows error caused by them. There will be times when i wont be able to connect to the internet for the whole day. Whenever i call up to complain about it, it's always the same answer....technical problems. With that kind of problems occuring almost every other week, i rather you keep the service and i'll use streamyx.

But enough of bitching. 2 weeks off from blogging and the first thing i have to say is something bad. Nothing big happened that required my immediate attention, just mid terms, study break and now finals being around the corner. There was also a scare from University Retard that i was barred from one of the papers i was taking, but after some explanations are negotiations from the invigilator, i was reinstated. Yippie, i mother fucking rule. Also being bored enough i made carbonara and some chocolate moouse during the study break. Tasted good, according to those who have tried. Next step, make those for Eliza (i did promise her).

Speaking of which, her birthday will be next week. Not good, her special day clashing with my finals. Also hopefully she likes her present. Bought a XXXX for her. Sounds pricey, it sure was, but i think she should like it. Hell, i sure wished i was a girl when i bought that. Not everyday get something like that for someone. Keke but this isn't just anyone now isn't it?

Anyway enough of break time. Time to get serious with work. After another 5 hours of Dota, i think i'll study for 5 minutes and then go to bed. Oh wait....was it the other way around. Fuck it, over and out.

And They Say I Didn't Post Up Enough Pictures

A lot of feedback from the public also requested that i post up more photos in my blogs to smoothen the process of reading all my crap and to ensure they sleep from the boredom of reading my dry, pointless ranting. So pictures you want, pictures you'll get.

It's been quite a happy week for me so far. The main reason being that i have a new member in my family. And heck no it's not Aunt Weirdo from the land of Jinjang or something, it's my new pet cat. Yeah, you heard it right...i've started to adopt PUSSIES again. Haha sounds sleazy, but i can tell you, this little feline here is the lastest talk of the house.

Well hello there little fella. This was one of the first few days that my sister brought her home. And yes, it's a her this time. We are kinda sick of having a male cat for the sole reason that once it hits puberty, it's raging hormones will drive it insanely horny and my family will no longer tolerate the pathetic meows it will make, begging to let it go out to get a quick fuck. Now i'm not saying that females wont have the same kind of reaction. But from past experiences, at least the females actually DO return home after satisfying themselves.



But anyway, Buji a.k.a Kit Kat a.k.a
Chicken Shit has been quite the darling around the house for the past week, charming even the most vile cat haters with it's dumb, frightened look and playful prowls. After a week of "treatment" he looks a lot better than when he first came. And there's always the occasional "abuse" that we like to put every cat through with all sorts of funky positions just to make him all the more cuter. There's the hamster look, the meerkat look, the orchestra conductor pose....and last but not least and my personal favourite, the drunken cat look.

















And there's also the occasional joker's column. A couple of days ago my good friend Kanason posted up a joke regarding about the types of indian "ethnic" groups in our country. He described how there were 3 types of indians around the country; the regulars, the hip hoppers and the machas and followed on to describe each and every category in a humourous way. And although i had a good laugh and enjoyed the thorough frankness that he could be, i was also disgusted by some of the feedback he received from his fellow peers regarding the joke.

Now we have to admit it here, once in a while it's always good to hear or tell a racist joke. I can tell you it's PERFECTLY normal to make fun of people's race or culture once in a while as long as it does not go overboard with it's tone, on who it's aiming at and of course who you want to tell it to. And hell those people i know who shares racist jokes with me are actually much closer to me than people who dont, due to the fact that we become more understanding to each other and we portray tolerance and always know when to draw the line in these "sensitive" issues.

But....BUT, there will always be some serious, uptight, dildo-up-my-ass idiot out there that wont be able to stomach such "nonsense". Being that the joke about indians was posted by an INDIAN himself, there's all the more reason for everyone to take a pinch of salt about it. On the contrary, this stoned machine here berated to him about how he shouldn't write about these things and that it will cause many people to be upset about it. He even went on to question poor ol' Kanasai about what type of indian he was since he had a mixture of a little of every personality inside him and branded him about contradicting himself. Then he went on preaching about how people should think about other people and how they should be in society etc. And the final straw came when he went on to apologise to him for writing that and that he didn't mean to "offend" anyone.

Hello??? Need that dildo shoved up your ass higher? Or you just prefer the real thing? Let me just give my 2 cents worth. Post joke, read it, take a pinch of salt and laugh about it; everyone's happy and we'll forget all about it in the morning. Post joke, berate your friend and insult him, and then follow to apologise about it?!?!? Whoa...who's being contradicting now man? The end result; the person get's a little dulan, swallows it because he's your friend but will have a personal stigma with you for life and there's tension between everyone for no reason. WHAT THE FUCK MAN?!?!?!? God dammit i remembered quite a while back that there was a similiar joke about the chinese being "Westernised", "Ciina" and "Ah Beng" and it was circulated around the e mail pool for quite a while. Were there any replies about it? Was there anyone stupid enough not to take the joke and made personal comments about you? Fuck shit not that my degenerated mind could remember.

As a multi-racial and multi-cultural nation with a lot of retards and degenerates included, there is no doubt that we have to be united in order to succeed. In fact, our country have been made an example to many countries outside with racial and cultural issues that people with different backgrounds CAN live as neighbours. However, there is no need to make racial opinions and jokes a taboo subject in society just because it's "sensitive". The tolerance and maturity that MOST (and watch how i highlighted most) of our citizens show is enough proof that we are able to take and share these jokes with one another and get a good laugh about it. After all, laughter IS the best medicine.