And Weeeee, Are the Champions, My Friends

Well the Olympics has come and gone and boy was it a blast. China really lived up to the expectations of the world and displayed a great performance in both the opening and closing ceremony of the games, while at the same time doing it's best to be a hospitable host. The Bird's Nest stadium was build in record time, and for that global fuel and steel prices soared through the roof due to the insaneous demand for raw materials. Volunteers and helpers were handpicked to the point even the medal presenting girls had to be of similar looks, size and shape. Guess that's what you get for having 1.3 billion people; manpower is never in question.

Right, so what's this post all about? We've seen the games, we've marveled at the athleticism of the participants and we cheered and cried over the performance of our own sportsmen and sportswomen. And it's always said the real winners are ourselves for if we put our mind to it, there is nothing that we cannot do blah blah blah....IMHO....bullshit. You can never expect a puny sized midget to run the 100 meter race, not when you have a 6ft 5in Jamaican runner that can mow down your ass in just 9.69 seconds. Look what you have in your hands, and play it to your strength. So in summary, here's what I see in the real winners...and of course, losers as well.

The winners are:

The Jamacian athletics team
Made famous for the rivalry with the United States in athletics, especially in sprints, the Jamacian team has really come up tops this time. With their large physic and muscular frame, the make the perfect runners for the human race. The fastest man on earth, Usain Bolt, could actually afford a mini celebration while in the midst of running to stick his tongue out and beat his chest while strolling towards the finishing line in style, and still managed to set a new world record and win the gold medal together. All this in just 9.69 seconds....God I'd love to think of the time he could achieve if he was on drugs.

US basketball team
Now note that in recent times, the United States have been somewhat lacking in the international scene when it comes to basketball. Considered one of their pride in their sport, the NBA is known to the world as the number one basketball league in the world. But the US national basketball team has come up short in recent times, finishing bronze in Athens 2004 and once again third in the World Championships in 2006. But not anymore. Comprised of a team of NBA superstars and celebrities, they set a new benchmark for basketball. The likes of Kobe Bryant, LeBron James and Carmelo Anthony stormed through each and every team en route to the final, before beating Spain for the second time to catch the gold medal. Watching them play was akin to watching a bendover assfuck by a dominator; every game was won with an average lead of approximately 24 points. And this could have been much more had the difference in score against Spain in the final been higher. A true champion.

The Chinese People and China
During the opening ceremony, watching the show and the fireworks, coupled together with the awe and celebration of the people there, really made me proud to be a Chinese. The architecture of the stadium built is deemed to be the most advanced and modern in our time and the show that the Chinese people put on really wowed the audience to no bounds. And taking into position that they accomplished all of this in such a short period of time really made it all sweeter for them. Both tourist and athletes praised the food and the hospitality of the people, and the facilities and infrastructure provided was ensured to be working in tip top condition. Yes, indeed the Chinese people and everyone that make up the country are truly winners in the eyes of the world.

And now, for the Losers:
The Sore Losers
A fine example would be Cuba's Taekwando participant Angel Valodia Matos. Enraged that he was disqualified for halting the game because he was injured, Matos kicked the referee in the face before he was restrained by officials. The spirit of such sore losers will not be tolerated and Matos has been banned from all tournaments for life. Good riddance to such people.

The Brazilian football team
5 World Cups in their belt and still not a single gold medal. Come on, are you for real?!?! From the land of samba football surely you can do better than that. No matter what the results are, there is no redemption from the loser category unless a gold medal has been won. After all, an Olympic gold medal in football is nothing compared to the World Cup. And having won the World Cup the most number of times, surely an Olympic gold medal is a walk in a park for the samba boys.

The Malaysian Sports Team
1 million dollars just for winning a gold medal? 300K for winning silver and 100K for bronze? DATUKSHIP JUST FOR COACHING? Go fuck yourself, nuff said. Malaysia is so fucked up and obsessed on winning a gold medal that it is willing to flush down valuable funds and give out dignitaries to unknowns just to win a shiny award. All this just to show that you "can"? Or just to show off to your ASEAN neighbours that you are better than them? Could you imagine if the United States of even China did the same as what we are doing to our athletes? I'd reckon that half of China will be owned by athletes given their 100 total medal tally.

So there you have it, my version of winners and losers. There are many, many more which I did not include due to the constrains of time, but if anyone out there would like to add any, feel free to do so in the comments column.